Disappointment: It Means You Care
You know that feeling, the pit in your stomach, the nervous shakes, the hope that it will work out in your favor...and then when it doesn't what do you get? Disappointment. Dun, dun, dun!
To give you a little back story...this disappointment I'm feeling as of late refers to failing an exam. It's meaningless in the big picture and yet in this moment it's the only thing holding me back and it's terrifying to not be moving forward.
In reflection I've always been told I care too much, I show too much emotion and I give too much. The truth is these are the characteristics I love the most about people and what I love the most about myself! I only think about this because when dealing with disappointment, actually being disappointed only shows how much you care. Sometimes I wish I didn't.
Earlier this month I've been fighting with my own ability to get up into a handstand, hang by a towel with one hand, and push through so many squats I can't feel my legs! With all of these exercises I progressed slowly and finally made my way to reach and achieve each one.
Why then do I not give myself I same permission to “progress” through my study materials and reach the test when I'm ready? The feeling of not passing is infuriating! The PASS or FAIL harshness is never easy. It's even harder when a standardized test doesn't prove your knowledge, ability or skills. A test that involves memorization and being able to get a certain amount of questions correct.
The same can be said for so many life events, a job interview, an unspoken conversation, a bad day at work. Each and every opportunity we are given a chance to learn something, even if we don't necessarily want to. Let's give ourselves some grace, some compassion and try it again tomorrow.
As for my exam, I will try again. I will study more. I will choose to learn from this disappointing experience. In the end -- it's the disappointment that moves me, enthralls me and beckons me to prove it wrong. Failing is failing, passing is passing. It's cut and dry. But failing while trying, well, it's better than never trying at all, right? I'd rather have my knees scraped, my hands cut and my heart hurt then to have never experienced what COULD be.
I saw a billboard recently, it simply read:
“If you know all the answers, ask bigger questions.”
Thanks to whatever company paid for that thought, I'll take it & I'll run with it.
So I challenge you, what has disappointment done for you? Where are the places in your life that you abandoned out of fear of failure? Can you try again? Will you continue even when it's hard? I dare you to try.
Here's to sucking & here's to trying again until you succeed,